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March 27, 2006

葬式屋稼業

二週間程前に、母親の葬式の喪主などをしてきた。

何度か書いているが、ど田舎の百姓家の惣領というものは、ある意味自分の両親と、子のない親類全部の喪主をやるためにこの世に生を受けたような部分があり、その非常時にかくするべし、ということを小さい時からたたき込まれるわけだ。ケンシロウ風に言うと

「俺は生まれた時から、すでに喪主だった」

という感じ。
が、同じ肉体を作っている自分個人は、喪主未経験であるからその前には不安なぞもあったのだが、いざその場に望んでみると、ほとんどROM化するまでたたき込まれた各種の動作が自然に出て来たのであった。

どーしてこのような考えようによっては意味のない存在が生み出されたのか、とまあ、当事者なりに考えてみたのだが、答えはすぐに出た。つまり

「大抵の人にとっては、生きている期間よりも、その人が生きていたことを覚えている人たちが死滅しつくすまでに費やす時間の方が長い」からなのだ。

……ま、この時間からは「成人するまで」の期間は除かれているのだが。

以上のことを前提とし得るのなら、死んだ後その人を適切に弔うことというのは、生きてる間にその人を人として遇することと同程度に重要だ、ということになる。決して優越はしないけどね。

で、死に行く人にとっても、「恐らく死ぬまでこいつは自分の死後をきちんと弔ってくれるだろう」というヤツがいるということは、心置きなく冥土に旅立つために意味あることだと思う。それに共感してくれる人も、少なくはないだろうなと。

というわけで考えたのが、「オタのみなさんのために、ワタクシの喪主としてのアビリティを活用する商売」つーもの。まあ要するに、オタ200人ぐらい集めて共済組合みたいなのを作り、それぞれの生命保険かけさせた上で、死んだら会員を適宜呼び集めてちゃんと葬式あげてやる、というものだ。

ワタクシが見るところ、団塊Jr.に属するところの一部のオタの皆さんは、中学生ぐらいの頃は「友達欲しい」と言い、その後「恋人欲しい」、「嫁欲しい」と来て、現在「娘欲しい」とぼちぼち言い始まったあたりなんで、最終的に「死ぬ時見取ってくれる人が欲しい」と言うようになるに決まっとる。原則的にそれらはぜーんぶ自前で作るべきもんなんだが、不幸にして作り得なかった場合には、代わりをなんとかしてやろう、などと考えたのであった。

まあ、こーいうこと言うと、オタの人は「人の死を商売にするか!」と真っ赤になって怒る(てか、この人ら何でも商売にすると怒るんだけどね)だろうけど。

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